Victims and Survivors of Psychopaths

from victim to survivor

Why Sex Binds

with 14 comments


The neurochemical Dopamine activates the reward circuitry in the brain.  When experiencing orgasm, a person receives the biggest blast of dopamine legally available to them.  A Dutch scientist scanned the brains of people having orgasms and said the brain during orgasm resembled the scans of brains during a heroin rush.  Just as the drug addict craves his drug to release the dopamine rush, this can also cause the victim to crave the person who gave the orgasm dopamine rush.

But the neurochemical that bonds couples together is oxytocin, which is released into the bloodstream during sex.  This is considered the “cuddle hormone” or “bonding hormone” that is associated with nurturing and affection that develops in a relationship.  In a woman, the stimulation of the vagina and cervix during sex releases both oxytocin and prolactin, the same hormones released during pregnancy and nursing that is responsible for creating the bond the Mother feels with her child.

Oxytocin is also associated with significant emotional and physical benefits. It helps speed recovery of wounds and it also has a calming effect on a person.  It is thought to be a major reason that SSRI’s (Prozac-type drugs) ease depression.  High levels of cortisol are involved in depression and anxiety disorders, and oxytocin counteracts cortisol’s effects. (Uvnas-Mobery, 1999).

In a relationship with a psychopath, who is usually very highly sexed, an intense bond can form.  Since relationships with psychopaths eventually become very chaotic and anxiety provoking, each time a person has sex with the psychopath, their hormones not only further biochemically bond them to the psychopath, but their anxiety is also reduced through the release of oxytocin.  The psychopath becomes not only the tormentor, but also the person who brings relief from the torment.  The bond that develops in a pathological relationship is constantly reinforced and strengthened through anxiety and frequent sex which relieves the anxiety.  This results in an intense bond and attachment that is often much stronger than those in healthy relationships.  Once a strong bond is established, since not only emotions have bonded, but also brain pathways and hormonal chemistry, the bond does not depend on pleasure to maintain it.  A person can remain bonded to a psychopath they have grown to mistrust or hate.

Written by victimsofpsychopaths

January 24, 2009 at 2:52 pm

14 Responses

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  1. So.. So true! I was once involved with a dangerous man in my late 20’s. 3 years of hell. He went to jail for 9 mos. Stalked, strangled and beat me too:) I know this may sound sick, but at the time the sex seemed out of this world even though I felt stressed and scared of spending time with him, the sex helped block out the fear (temporarily).

    After he almost strangled me to death I finally woke up. 5 years later he almost strangled another girl to death to. She suffered the same injuries and his treatment of her was 20 times worse than mine. His abuse had escalated.

    I went into hiding for a few years to shake him and it worked. I was truly convinced he might kill me.. I lost valuable time from my life as a result of hiding, but I am still alive and will never have sex with anyone again until I get to know them for a long long time:)

    P.S these nasty promiscuous guys will give you many strange bacterial infections too because they shack up with lots of people – you’re never the only one they have at any given time.

    Before you have sex with someone, get to know them for a long while, because if all you got were bacterial infections – they are curable with antibiotics.. Aids and herpes and warts are not:) I was lucky and did not contract anything incurabale but developed many strange cervical and vaginal and throat infections during that relationship, sweats, muscle pain, joint pain and hot flashes too:) After lots of antibiotic treatment, I got my health back-and cured.. Thank god for that, I learned a hard lesson too:(

    These sociopaths are walking germ/disease factories.. Please.. Please watch out and beware! They will make you feel convinced you are the only one, but it’s neve true, often you find out after all the damage has been done!


    January 29, 2009 at 4:44 am

  2. Yes, psychopaths are extremely promiscuous. The only “safe sex” with them is no sex with them. Abstinence is the key to success. Even the most effective latex condoms do not prevent transmission of external infections like lice or herpes. Resist sexual advances from a psychopath. They have the potential to leave you diseased for life, even after just one contact.


    April 1, 2009 at 7:44 pm

  3. Please some advice on a psychopath who’s using “magic ” to rape

    Been around all my. Life bit I have only identified a year ago when raping started. Had being. Doing any amount of.shitty thongs begonias. That with “psyching” me out etc. Please. Help
    Linda PS.he is a very powerful. Wealthy man so youcan just imagine how hard of will be to.get stop. Just.c. away


    March 7, 2012 at 12:36 am

  4. Sunshine… Yes, they provide the best sex and then the scary domestic violence and abuse. Sometimes it does feel like damaged forever. How does anybody provide love, passion and romance to that incredible degree and then also be capable of stalking, stealing money, personal property and joke about killing you? Who tries to destroy you after they cheated and lied, not you? The crime of the innocent is finally saying I have had enough and I want a divorce. I could never bring myself to do the same to him and he has ruined my life, mind, trust, finances, credit, home, security, peace, serenity and my latent health issues to surface at some point in the future. He stole my youth and only God can restore me to anything reasonable, before natural aging takes it’s toll in the next 20 years. Sadly, the stalking is still currently in progress, which delays true healing every day.


    April 27, 2013 at 9:18 am

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    August 24, 2013 at 1:39 pm

  6. 4 month relationship, I was completely addicted to him and was falling madly in love. I thought he was too. Little did I realize who and what I had become involved with, and when his ‘mask’ fell off and he flew into a rage while laying on top of me with his face contorted in fury just inches above mine, he may as well have eviscerated me. Jekyll/Hyded on me in a flash and that loving, attentive, sexy, sensuous lover and friend was gone. I left the next morning and never saw him again. I never spoke to him again either – just sent an email telling him it was inexcusable to treat me in such a terrible manner and I wouldn’t tolerate it. His response was to assassinate my character and spew a stream of ugly insults the likes of which I have never heard. He turned into a monster, I was so crushed! .Angry emails were then exchanged, and when I threatened to expose him in a particular way, he then offered the most lackadaisacal, insincere “I’m sorry I hurt you” ever given…then of course blamed it all on me.

    I am 88 days out now (but who’s counting) and doing better, but the pain is still very raw. I miss him and our intimacy horribly, but I also know that what I experienced with him was not real and I would never trust him again. Not sure I will ever truly be the same. Feels like he stole a piece of my body and soul. I am hoping time will heal but until then each day feels like an emotional roller coaster ride.

    I have never dealt with a Narcissistic Sociopath before, and if I’d known what I was getting into, I would have RUN in the opposite direction. I disregarded all kinds of emotional red flags from the moment I met him because I found him so interesting and charming. Never again will I disregard my inner voice and intuition. And if it seems to good to be true, it is.


    September 24, 2013 at 9:07 pm

  7. […] για την υπερσεξουαλικότητά τους και τη χρήση του σεξ για να κάνουν το “θύμα” πιο τρωτό και πιο […]

  8. I married mine…ignoring all the signs because I thought he was good looking, charming, intelligent, athletic, the list could go on and on. I left my job and home and moved 4 hours with my son. The day after we moved here he said he had to work and couldn’t help me unpack. This was a Sunday. When we first met, we had sex LOTS and LOTS at a camping event. All this is so hard so much to write… one point he said his business was not successful because we were having sex and we were not married. He had errors of omission and never told me he was an illegal alien or not completely divorced. Things went from bad to worse….yet I continued to be lured in. He lied, treated my son horribly, treated me horribly, all the while making it my fault. He was great at gaslighting. I was treated for possible bipolar, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, you name it. He called me crazy, psycho threw my medication, and everything was my fault. He said I never took accountability for anything I did. He could go months without sex after we got married. Didn’t bother him at all. Yet with all this I wanted him….to love me, have sex with me, do things with me. It got progressively worse. and worse. It erupted almost four months ago when he got mad at me and smashed my new computer. I was shocked. I threw the battery across the room. He started packing things in two trucks. I left. When I came back, he stole our new camper. I called the police. I guess he told them a few scratches on his wrist were from me. LIED LIED LIED. Well, you can guess the rest. I got arrested for domestic violence. Was put out of MY home. While I was out he stole everything in the house that we bought together. He locked me out. I went to court. Well, funny that he LIED LIED LIED again and I got convicted. I have two years to stay clean! I have to go to probation officer. Pay court fees. Have a domestic violence assessment. When I didn’t do ANYTHING HE DID. I have photos of bruises he put on me, evidence of damage he has done to my house when he was angry, and my son has agreed to write a letter about his abuse. According to the paperwork from the court, they can prosecute him on domestic violence. My probation officer told me to take all that with me. He could have his legal status taken away, which he got by marrying me. He moved out, got a new truck within 2 weeks, went to Florida vacationing, got his friend fired from his job…the list goes on and on. I am now free of him. It has taken some counseling and reading about sociapaths to see that is what he is. It is hard to not see “what is wrong with me.” I am actually pretty awesome! I just have to learn the signals so it doesn’t happen again. I am not going to give up on finding someone who really loves me for me.

    Suzanne Crawford

    January 14, 2014 at 5:39 am

  9. So why doesn’t the release of oxytocin and prolactin have any effect on female psychopaths?

    Bob Hudgins

    August 25, 2015 at 1:53 am

  10. Outside of the obvious differences, which are substantial, female psychopaths don’t seem to behave sexually much differently from their male counterparts. They take risks, are promiscuous, and plow through partners. It seems to me there is a lot of research left to be done in this area.

    Bob Hudgins

    August 26, 2015 at 1:36 pm

  11. How does one recover from this. Will stopping the sex and the relationship be the answer. Where are the support groups for survivors of malignant narcissists in wake county and the therapists?


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